My story of loss, forgiveness, hard seasons, and a faith some people call “too much”

By Valerie Whelton

Today my youngest son told me he was frustrated with me. When I asked him why, his answer broke my heart.

He said I pray too much.

He told me all my praying isn’t going to solve anything. He said I’ve gone off the deepend following Christ, and that just hoping and praying won’t change anything. Then he told me how mentally unstable he thought I was.

I’m not going to pretend I took that well. I cried. I’m talking ugly crying, the kind where you can’t catch your breath. I would never have dreamed of speaking to my mom that way. And the truth is, in that moment, I wished more than anything that I had a mom to talk to.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

So I did the only thing I know how to do. I took it to God. And as I sat with it, I realized that my “too much” faith didn’t come out of nowhere. It was built one hard season at a time. So let me tell you my story.

A Girl Without Her Mom

I grew up in Manistee, Michigan. When I was 17, I lost my mom to breast cancer. Seventeen is a hard age to lose your mother. You’re not a kid anymore, but you’re not grown yet either. You still need her for the big stuff, and you still need her for the little stuff. I have spent a lot of my life since then missing her at the moments when a girl needs her mom the most. That includes today.

But even then, God didn’t leave me alone.

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” — Psalm 27:10 (NIV)

I didn’t understand it all back then, but I understand it now. When the people I counted on couldn’t be there, God was.

The Hurt That Taught Me to Forgive

After my mom died, my dad remarried, and our relationship was rocky from then on.years later, things came to a head when my dad gave both of my mother’s rings to my sister. One of those rings was supposed to come to me. The hurt and betrayal I felt were overwhelming, and some very hurtful words were said on both sides.

It all happened around the same time my Grandma Rozmarek passed away. I couldn’t even go to her funeral because I was serving in the Army and was in the middle of a military move. I was grieving, I was hurt, and I was far from home.

Today, my father still won’t speak to me. I have apologized more than once, but he hasn’t been able to let go of the hurt.

Here is what I have learned: if there is one thing I know something about, it’s forgiveness. Jesus died on the cross so all my sins could be forgiven. I don’t think I’m worthy of the price He paid, but He paid it anyway. That’s how much He loves every one of us.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

Jesus taught me to forgive by forgiving me first. So I forgave my dad. I forgave my sister too. Forgiveness isn’t only for the other person. Sometimes it’s even more for the one doing the forgiving. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

When I finally let it go, I felt free. The anger is gone. The resentment is gone. I don’t care about those rings anymore. They’re just things. My dad and my sister are my family, and I miss them so much. I would love nothing more than to have them back in my life.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” — Romans 12:18 (NIV)

I’ve done my part. The rest I leave in God’s hands, and yes, I pray about it. A lot. .

Kindness Matters, But I’m Not a Doormat

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m very open about my life and the things I’ve done, good and bad. I’m compassionate, sometimes to a fault. I give people more chances than they probably deserve, and I’ve been taken advantage of because of it.

I raised all three of my boys to “kill people with kindness,” and I still stand firm on themotto “Kindness Matters.” But I’ve also learned that kindness and weakness are notthe same thing.

Jesus was kind and full of compassion, but He wasn’t foolish. He may have walked on water, but He never let people walk all over Him.

“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” — Matthew 10:16 (NIV) Even in our own homes, it’s healthy to have limits. Loving people well sometimes means telling them no. I’m learning that boundaries can be an act of love too, both for the other person and for myself. Through the Fire and the FloodThe last two and a half years have been a trainwreck for my community, my family, and my friends. The wildfire and flooding in 2024, followed by the devastating flooding in 2025, left so many people without homes. Businesses were destroyed. Jobs were lost. Lives were taken. People were left with nothing but the clothes on their backs in the blink of an eye.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” — Isaiah 43:2 (NIV)

Then it got personal. This summer, my husband, Justin, had two major brain surgeries. Justin has lived with hydrocephalus his whole life. After the last surgery, there were a few days when we didn’t know which Justin would be coming home to us. On top of all that, I broke my foot and needed surgery myself.

I asked the question we all ask: Why, God? Why are You letting this happen to me?

Here is where I’ve landed. God didn’t cause these things. He may have allowed them, but He didn’t make them happen. He has a plan, and He is still in control.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” — Romans 8:28 (NIV)

So I look for the good, even when it’s hard to see. My family is still alive after all the flooding. We lost a lot of personal things, but things can be replaced. And God worked a miracle in Justin’s life by bringing him through those surgeries. God healed him, and He is still healing him. God is the victor.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)

We don’t have to like the struggle. But being grateful in the middle of it is a way of praising God and holding Him close, so that good can come out of something bad.

So, Do I Pray Too Much?

That brings me back to my son’s words.

After losing my mom, losing my relationship with my dad and sister, watching my town go through fire and flood, and sitting beside my husband’s hospital bed, I’ll be honest with you. I don’t have much else. I certainly don’t have money. When I turn on the TV, I see how broken this world is. All I have left is my hope in Jesus Christ. And that hope is enough.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” — Hebrews 6:19 (NIV)

Praying isn’t me sitting around hoping something magically happens. Prayer is how I hand my burdens to the One who can actually carry them. It’s where I find comfort and peace, knowing that everything is going to be okay.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:6–7 (NIV)

Jesus Himself told His followers “that they should always pray and not give up” (Luke18:1, NIV). Paul said to “pray continually” (1 Thessalonians 5:17, NIV). So by the Bible’s standard, I don’t think there is such a thing as praying too much.

I also know that faith can look foolish to people who don’t share it yet. Scripture says it would.

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” -Corinthians 1:18 (NIV)

I’m not angry with my son. I love him with my whole heart, and I’m praying for him too. I hope that one day he looks back and sees that his mom’s prayers weren’t a sign that she was falling apart. They were the reason she didn’t.

Going Off the Deep End

People are hurting right now. Many are lost and searching, and the world offers a lot of paths that lead nowhere. I believe this is a time for people like you and me to stand up for Jesus Christ, without hesitation and without shame.

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.” — Romans 1:16 (NIV)

So if following Jesus means I’ve gone off the deep end, then I’m going all the way off the cliff. Because I know who is waiting at the bottom.

“The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” — Deuteronomy 33:27 (NIV)

Reflect

• Has someone ever made you feel “too much” for your faith? How did you respond?

• What hard season in your life has made your faith stronger?

• Is there someone you need to forgive, even if they never apologize?

• Where do you need to set a healthy boundary while still choosing kindness?

• What can you thank God for today, even in the middle of a struggle?

Let’s Pray

Lord Jesus,

Thank You for never leaving me. When I lost my mom, You were there. When myfamily broke apart, You taught me to forgive. When the fires and floods came, and when Justin was in the hospital, You carried us through. Lord, I lift up my son to You. Soften his heart, and help me love him the way You loveme. I pray for my dad and my sister, and I ask You to make a way for us to be a familyagain.Help me be kind without being a doormat. Help me be thankful even when life is hard.And help me never be ashamed to say who I belong to.When I fall, I trust that You will catch me. In Jesus’ name, amen.Will You Jump With Me? | 6Friend, will you jump off the cliff with me, knowing that Christ will be there to catchyou as you fall?If this blessed you, I’d love to hear your story in the comments. And if you needprayer, let me know. I’ll be praying for you. After all, I’m pretty good at it.With love and hope in Christ,

All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV).